Monday, 12 February 2018

So many things... so little time

I want to achieve so many things that I don't have time to do them all so I do none!!!

It's not right is it? 

I know it isn't but I don't know what to do.  Maybe because I am a perfectionist I can't concentrate on anything for fear of never meeting up to my own expectations?

I need to fix that.  Maybe I need to find one thing I want to do at work to improve myself.  One thing at home personally to improve myself and one thing family wise?  So here goes I am going to think of three things to do for the next month.

  1.  Learning holiday procedure better, talking about myself more confidently.
  2. Create more and don't just sit watching tv.  Make some "art journal" looking cards and sell them.  Stop thinking of them as art work and never wanting them out there.  Take a photo of them or make two one to sell and one to keep.
  3. Do more for and with Hubby as he does so much for me.  I need to stop take take taking and give more.  Stop being so selfish.
So let's see what I can do in the next month to improve these three areas of my life.

Pretty simple if I have the guts to do it right?

Night night MMH

Sunday, 11 February 2018

Sick of being sick

Took the day off work today as I have the flu and felt so bad.  I also felt like I didn't want to go to work.  I don't want to travel to one part of where I work but if I don't then I don't have a job. 

Slept until 11.50 then hubby came home and was amazing and made me lunch and brought me chocolate ice cream.  When I am sick I always want ice cream and it has to be chocolate ice cream.  I don't know why that is but maybe it is for comfort?  I know food shouldn't be eaten for comfort but when I am sick I always want chocolate ice cream.

I don't know what to do about work and not wanting to go to this certain city where I travel to.  When we go to that city it is just a nightmare.  They don't run our company right up there and I just get so frustrated.  I want to strangle them. 

I need to work on me this year.  On why I do things or why I don't do things and see if I can work out how to fix me.  No one else can fix me but me and I must admit I don't know why I am fat, and lazy but I know I am but I am not sure if it is my mind or if it is that my body just wants to eat.

I watch these TV shows that show these big people and how much they eat and what they eat but I don't eat like that.  I don't sit down in front of the TV every night just eating a bag of chips or biscuits.

I just can't fathom why?  I am going to keep writing in here and work out my life for me.

Saturday, 10 February 2018

Would love to...

I would love to win lotto and be able to create everyday.

I have a craft room but my life is so busy with work and everything else that I don't get in there enough.

Or maybe it is that I don't get in there because I love making but never want to sell anything as it is like doing art and losing it.

How do people do everything they want to do?

You have mothers that run businesses and they manage to look after a family, do exercise, eat right, and have this perfect life and lots of time and money.

I want to be arty.... I feel I am arty but I then go online and see these amazing artists and I want it to be me.

I work on an art journal in my craft room and make cards and I just love how I feel when I am left in there making.

I always make the excuse that I don't have time but in reality I do but I don't utilize my time like I know I should.  I watch TV or look at Facebook and they aren't worth my time.

Do you ever feel like you can do so much and that you have so many ideas but you don't seem to do it and it feels like you can't juggle it all but can't pick just one thing to do?

I want to journal everyday, exercise, art, watch my kids games, watch movies with my boys, spend quality time with hubby and spend every minute with my mum as she is 86 and who knows how much longer we have together and do the best in my job which involves a lot of travel. 

But I get in this panic and then I don't achieve or do anything because of the fear of doing one thing will stop doing other things.

I panic about everything.  How on earth do I stop panicking and find a way to do everything I love doing before it's too late and my life is over?

This is all about me now...

Starting this blog is for me. 

This is all about me now. 

I am a mother and a wife and teenage kids and my Mum living with us since Dad died. 

But it has always been about everyone else and what needs to be done for them, soccer, school, homework, inline hockey, work, work, work, work, mum's demands as she is 86 years old.

This year I started off wondering if I am happy and if life is going the way I want it to go. 

How could I be 47 years old and not really know if I am happy.  I should be happy!  I have the best husband in the world.  I have a great job and great kids and I do have a great mum, fantastic little dog and a great house.... but I feel like I don't have it right.  But why do I feel like that?  I have a dream life and family but I feel like I am lost and that there is more.

I have been sick with the flu for 2 days now and feeling really terrible.  I don't want to feel like this but it gets the better of me.

I want to write profound things in here but can't work out what I want to write about yet.  I am not sure if this is a blog just on my daily ramblings or of weight loss or of other things. 

Previously I have had blogs that have been about weight loss but I don't want to only focus on that.  I want this to be a place where I can get things off my chest.

My beautiful boys and hubby went grocery shopping this morning as I sat here feeling terrible and I also felt blessed that I have wonderful teenage boys and a hubby that do anything for me.